Dealing With Runners For Non-runners

Summer is in full swing, which means that runners are, too. Perhaps you’ve glimpsed fascinating creatures around and outside, loping along trails and paths. Perhaps you’ve even seen fascinating creatures in suburban settings, such as supermarkets and coffeehouses, hunting for food.

But what do you actually know about these aerobic creatures that are self-conscious? Are not they safe? What do they eat? How does one get rid of one that is in your house?

These questions aren’t academic. As the public grows, and an increasing number of property is developed, human-runner interactions is only going to increase. This advice will help prepare you.

Why do runners run?

Why do runners run? You may as well inquire, “Why do birds fly?” or “Why do fish swim?” or “Why do folks buy scratch off lottery tickets?” The answer is the same: Because it’s awesome. Also, in the event of running, because maybe you’ll be able to lose several pounds.

Why are those outrageous clothes worn by runners?

Scientists are uncertain exactly what function is served by the skimpy and usually brightly coloured gear runners wear. One theory is the fact that it’s designed to attract prospective mates. Another is the fact that it’s not offensive, as it makes them more visible. Some biologists consider that runners have really evolved to favor brighter clothing, as those wearing flat colours like “Pavement Grey” have a tendency to not live long enough to copy.

Are not runners safe?

You should not induce fascinating creatures, naturally. But runners are docile and will go out of their way to prevent confrontation. However, females shoving on jogging strollers may attack if they believe their babies are in risk. Additionally, runners might be enraged by certain phrases that are hearing; among them:

— “Running will destroy your knees.”

— “Marathons cause heart attacks.”

— “Hey, you’re a jogger, right?”

— “Jogging will destroy your knees.”

Runners may react powerfully. Significance, they’ll go on to Facebook and post a rant that their running friends will afterward “Like.”

What do runners eat?

Runners appreciate a diverse diet, consisting of bananas, sports drinks, bagels, pizza, smoothies, beer, pasta, spareribs, chicken lo mein, muffins, scrambled eggs, sushi, ice cream, broiled shrimp skewers, black bean enchiladas, and those big turkey legs they sell at state fairs and Renaissance festivals. And that’s only on their days that are long-run.

You might be tempted to feed runners–particularly the lanky ones–but do not do it. You will just attract more of them, and runners swarming in great numbers may be a nuisance.

What should I do if I confront a runner who is lost and frightened?

From time to time, a runner may wander from his pack and find himself in unfamiliar land, such as a dinner party filled with extroverts or a sports bar. Frequently, he’ll appear agitated, or confused.

Don’t panic! Runners can sense nervousness, and it will simply make a bad situation worse. Approach the runner and ask about his footwear or his watch. Both will probably be running -special. Shortly he’ll be talking nonstop, that will put him at ease. This will buy you some time while shop running. Someone will be sent by the store to collect the runner and return him to safety.

What if I find a base runner in my house?

Particularly in the hot summer months, runners may seek aid from half marathon training in air conditioned dwellings and then panic when they can not get back out–particularly once they realize that their GPS watch has lost its satellite connection. If you find a base runner stuck in your dwelling, open a door and try to “shoo” her out with a broom. If this does not work, try a little trickery. Pointing outside and yelling, “Hey! Is not that the guy who wrote “Born to Run”?” has been known to work.

Just how do they reproduce?

Runners practice a complicated mating ritual that starts with the male donning a novelty T-shirt reading “Distance Runners Do It Longer” and ends suddenly, minutes later, with the female reminding him that they both have to be up early for a long run so that they really should just “hit the hay.”

In short: No one knows.

There’s considerably more, of course. Runners are not simple, fascinating creatures, and they have much to teach us. I am hoping that this information helps ensure that your meetings with runners–this summer and are healthful and happy ones.

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